Transitioning Out Of The Crib

When transitioning your child out of their crib, the first important thing to remember is that there is no magic age that you should move your child to a "big kid" bed. As a new mom 15yrs ago, I thought there was an age that you just made the transition no matter what the circumstance - 2 years old. So when my daughter turned 2, we celebrated by buying her a twin sized bed with guard rails and switched her. Thankfully for me, she did fine with the move, as she did with everything else ("textbook", easy-going kid).

When my twins came years later I waited until they were 2.5yrs old before putting them into their toddler beds. That was not quite as easy since I transitioned them at the same time as I put them back into the same bedroom together. They had been separated for almost 2 years after I did sleep training at 6mos old, but once I got pregnant with my son I knew I needed the extra bedroom. Looking back I don't know what I was thinking transitioning them to the same bedroom at the same time as putting them into toddler beds! Two toddlers in new beds and rooming together for the first time that they could remember equaled LOTS of giggling! It was definitely a struggle for a couple of weeks, but my consistency finally made a difference and they ultimately settled down.

Finally, with my son I got smart and didn't "rock the boat" unnecessarily. I waited until he was over 3 yrs old to make the move to a toddler bed. In fact the only reason I moved him was because we were scheduled to go on vacation a month later and he would be sleeping in a bed. I didn't want him to be afraid of the hotel's bed, and I also figured he would likely get used to it and want to continue that routine once we were back home. So I went ahead and purchased a toddler bed for him. I have to say that I was a bit nervous moving him since he's a very strong willed child who likes a good battle. But thankfully the transition worked well for him and after a night or two he finally understood that he was not allowed to come out of his room (but should instead call for me if need be) and has stayed in his bed ever since!

So how do you know if you're child is ready? Well, the best thing you can do is to keep her in her crib until she's at least 3 years old, because that's where she's safest! She will also have an easier time making the transition and understanding WHY she should stay in her bed. I've seen many good sleepers take a turn for the worst after being moved to a toddler or twin sized bed too soon! Parents like me think there's a magic time to make the switch only to quickly find out that their child is just not ready, or is unwilling, to do so. Remember, their crib is there safe place, their comfort zone, and somewhere they spend 50-65% of their day. It's hard for them to want to give that all up, no matter how exciting a new bed or bedding can sound. So just be patient with her and let her warm up to the idea over time.

And by all means, do not force her out of her crib too early because there's a new baby coming soon! You might have to purchase a second crib (new or used) if the child is too young yet, but believe me it will be easier than trying to sleep train your 20mo while in a bed when you have a newborn! Also, keep in mind that you don't have to do an immediate move to a big kid bed just because a new baby is coming. If you plan on keeping your newborn in a co-sleeper, bassinet, or pack-n-play bassinet for a while then you will have a few extra months in which to get your toddler acclimated to her new bed months later than you first intended.

When you think you might be ready to do it, you'll want to talk to him about it briefly beforehand without making it into a big deal, just in case it gives him anxiety at the thought of moving. Just because you think he's ready, doesn't mean that HE thinks he's ready. The best part about doing this when your child is older is that you can talk to them about it. Ask him how he feels about the idea of getting a new bed. Does he want a new bed or does he want to stay in his crib a while longer? If he's not ready yet, don't push it. Instead try slowing down the process by implementing small steps first like lowering the one side of the crib so he can get in and out himself while still feeling secure. You can also read stories about this milestone, let him see his friends' or cousins' "big kid" beds, and just continue talking it up.

If, when you talk to him, he sounds ready and excited about getting a new bed, then you'll definitely want to get him involved in process. Let him have a say about what sheets and comforter set to have on his new bed. Let him choose where his bed should be in the room. Let him decide what loveys (ie comfort items) should accompany him into his bed. The point is that once you know he's on board with this move that you get him as involved as possible with the decisions he's able to make.

Regardless of how excited your child might be, I suggest keeping the crib up for the first night or two in case your child is frightened, not listening, or just plain changes her mind. There's nothing wrong with going back to the crib for a while until your child is ready to make the move! It's much easier on everyone to move her back to her crib for a while if it's still in the room. You don't want her to feel like she's failed you because she's just not ready yet. She'll be able to try again sooner if she feels good about having control over when she transitions.

Also, moving your child to a toddler bed vs a twin/full size bed is really a personal choice. There are good and not-so-good things about both, so it's what works best for your family. For instance, using a toddler bed is easier for those children who are on the younger side and/or less ready to make the change over. If you're child is over 3 years old, or is tall for his age, then you would probably want to jump right over to a twin (or larger) sized bed. Bed rails would also be helpful to start off with so that he or his loveys don't fall out.

If you need help with the transition, or with teaching your toddler the sleep skills necessary for staying in their bed/room and sleeping through the night, I can help! My Toddlers/ Preschoolers/ School-Aged Package is popular for a reason - it works! Dealing with a feisty toddler or preschooler who has the ability to get out of bed whenever he wants can be exhausting, but I can help you get the results you want quickly with little to no tears. Have questions? Then let's chat! I offer free 15min phone assessments so I can learn about your unique situation. This free call applies to parents of children of any age, so please feel free to book your phone consult today! :-)

Sleep well,

Ronee Welch
Sleeptastic Solutions
Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant
Certified Lactation Counselor
Certified in Infant and Child Mental Health
ronee@sleeptasticsolutions.com

Night Terrors vs Nightmares

Most parents have seen some sort of night waking event in their child's young life that wasn't about feeding or changing their diaper. They will wonder what's happening...Is it teething? Is it pain? Are they sick? What can I do to help the crying or screaming stop?!

What you need to do depends on whether or not it's a nightmare or a night terror. They are 2 very different events, and each should be handled differently. So how can you know which your child is experiencing? Let's compare the two...

Night Terrors:

-Happen during non-REM sleep (within the first few hours of falling asleep)
-Child will be in a partial awakening state and not really be awake when he/she wakes at night
-Child will call out in general, not actually calling for anyone specifically
 -Child will not be able to talk to you or they won't make much sense if they do talk
-Child will often not want you to touch him/her and may actually become more upset if you do
-In the end the child will just end up calming down on their own in a few minutes and will then return to sleep as if nothing happened
-Child will show physical signs, such as an increased heart rate and blood pressure
-More frightening for the parent than the child, who will not recall it ever happening in the morning

Nightmares:
-Happen during REM sleep (within a few hours of waking for the day)
-Child wakes up frightened and can remember the dream
-Child will be in a fully awake state, being alert and able to talk to you at that moment
-Child will appreciate and need comforting to return to sleep
-Child will usually call out specifically for you, looking for and needing help and reassurance
-Child’s reaction will be more of a mental one, with limited or no physical changes

-More frightening for the child, who can be affected by it for days, weeks, or even months.

Most children will not experience either of these until after a year old, though it can happen earlier. Both can be the result of over tiredness, which is an important fact to remember. If your child is often waking up in the first few hours after going to sleep with what appears to be night terrors, then you want to take a look at the time your child is going to bed at night and what their daytime naps look like. Chances are good that there's a lack of sleep somewhere in their day that is causing these wakings. Fix that and you should see the terrors go away. Also, I have seen what I call "day terrors" happening at nap times for some children. They're more prevalent when your child is transitioning down a nap, or is otherwise sleep deprived.

If your child is waking often with nightmares, I would talk to them (in the morning) about what their dream was about. Take a look at what they're watching or doing during the day that might be causing these bad dreams. It might not be an obvious thing to you, so try to think like a child the same age as yours. For instance, my one daughter had her first real nightmare at age 5 years. She was terrified by it and could hardly go back to sleep that night or the following nights. When I did a little digging into what it was about, I found out it was about monsters chasing her. Sounds common, right? Yes, but the more I dug, the more I discovered that it wasn't just any old monster. She described one that she'd seen earlier that day on Scooby Doo. I was shocked to think that a TV show I grew up watching could cause my daughter to be so scared, but it did make sense. There are monsters in every episode! After that we cut out watching the show at all and she got better over the next week or two.

It's important to realize that a particular cartoon can be watched by two children and each to be affected differently. If you have a sensitive, fearful child, then cartoons like Scooby Doo will have a much greater impact on your child than another child. For me, I quickly found out that my daughter is very sensitive to scary things and has a lot of anxiety about random things that always comes out at night for her. On the other hand, her identical twin sister does not have this same issue with going to bed. Instead she tends to have anxiety about things during the day hours but will has no problem letting go of those thoughts at night. Again, it's important to understand your child's temperament and personality. 

So the take away is this...if your child wakes crying (but not really talking) in the first half of the night, it's likely a night terror. You're not going to do much but ensure your child doesn't hurt themselves during the "fit" (which could take up to 20mins). If it's happening in the second half of the night and your child is screaming for you, clutching you, and visibly frightened, then you know it's a nightmare. Be prepared to do some extra snuggling that night...and maybe the next few nights too!

Sleep well,

Ronee Welch

Sleeptastic Solutions

*Need help with nightmares or night terrors? Need help getting your child to sleep independently through the night? Need help with naps? Need your child to sleep later in the morning? Need help transitioning your child from a rock-n-play or bouncer to their crib or from their crib to a bed? Need help with breastfeeding? If you need help with any of these things, or any other sleep-related issue, I can help!

I offer free 15min phone assessments so you can tell me more about what is happening with your little one and for you to ask me some questions. If you'd like to set up a time for your free chat, please click HERE. If you'd like to find out more about the services I offer, please visit www.sleeptasticsolutions.com.

The 9 Instinctive Stages Every Newborn Goes Through After Birth

When a baby is born, many things are happening at once. Mom has just went through a traumatic event with giving birth. Dad, her partner, family member, or friend is nearby for support, and all are excited to see the new bundle of joy. At the same time the nurses and doctors are cleaning baby up, weighing and measuring him, and getting his APGAR score. Mom is patiently waiting to get the chance to hold her beautiful baby.

Sometimes babies are cleaned up and given right back to mom, sometimes they're taken to the NICU, and sometimes they're put right up onto Mom's belly immediately after birth. No matter how a baby is brought into the world, what happens next is universal and truly amazing.

In order to see what happens next, baby will need to be "skin-to-skin" with mom (Note: baby could do this with dad but the breastfeeding part would be a little awkward!). If given the chance (ie no NICU, mom is healthy and ready to receive baby), all babies go through 9 instinctive stages immediately following birth...

1. Birth cry – that beautiful sound parents hear when a baby is first born 

2. Relaxation – no mouth or hand movements
3. Awakening – small thrust of head and shoulders (approx. 3mins after birth)
4. Activity – more mouth and sucking movements (ie rooting); touching mom’s breasts; possibly looks at mom
5. Rest
6. Crawling/sliding – approaches breast, sliding, leaping (around 35mins after birth)
7. Familiarization – looking at mom, massaging mom’s breasts, licking nipples (40mins after birth)
8. Suckling – usually happens around the 1hr mark
9. Sleeping – usually happens around 1.5hr mark

Even though I wish I would have known about these stages when I gave birth to my kids, I have seen videos of it and it's amazing. Newborns are so smart! New moms are often directed to begin a breastfeeding session within an hour of giving birth which is great. What's not so great is that these babies aren't usually given the opportunity to find the breast themselves, but instead are forcefully thrust onto the breast and expected to happily feed. It's no wonder moms and babies are initially distressed with the process! 

When I had my first daughter, I was young and naive about breastfeeding and parenting in general. Even though it was almost 16 years ago, I still remember my first breastfeeding experience like it was yesterday. Being my first pregnancy, I still wasn't used to a lot of nurses and doctors seeing any part of me naked. So when the nurse brought my daughter to me an hour or two after birth and proceeded to thrust her head onto my breast with a "screwing" back and forth motion, I was shocked and humiliated to say the least! And of course my daughter was not too thrilled with this process either. I was embarrassed and in pain, and she was upset and crying. It was certainly not the introduction to breastfeeding that I was hoping for. Needless to say that after a bad start, and subsequent crying and latching problems, I sadly gave up and just gave her formula before we even left the hospital. It's a decision that I immediately regretted, but I didn't know what else to do or how to be successful with nursing her. If I would have known about these 9 stages and other breastfeeding techniques, she and I could have had a different initial bonding relationship and a good breastfeeding one!

While this information is extremely useful for a breastfeeding baby, it's just as important for a baby who might be formula fed. Going "skin-to-skin" and bonding with your baby is important regardless of the method you choose for feeding. Dads and other caregivers can also practice this method with the baby (minus the breastfeeding part) by just having baby lay on the top part of the adult's bare chest. Also important to note about doing skin-to-skin contact is that it's something you can do anytime not just after birth. 

If your baby is fussy and crying, it works great to soothe them first before a feeding! One of the worst things you can do is try to nurse your baby when they are crying. Calm them down first by going skin-to-skin and the feeding will go much better. So if you're pregnant, or know someone that is, please share this blog with them so they can understand what is happening with their newborn and they will take the time to get to know them.

Happy New Year,

Ronee Welch

Sleeptastic Solutions

Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant and Lactation Counselor (CLC)

*If you're interested in learning more about skin-to-skin contact, these 9 instinctive stages, breastfeeding, newborn sleep, and much more, I offer a fabulous Prenatal/Newborn Package (for prenatal through 7wks old)! There is both a combination package for breastfeeding and sleep or you can purchase them separately.  This is the perfect gift for anyone expecting a baby...or two! Since I also have twins, I have the special knowledge it takes to help parents-to-be of multiples, too! And if your child is 8wks or over, and already experiencing sleep issues, I have child sleep packages for you too! Just click here to set up your FREE no-obligation 15min phone assessment!